Notes on Distance
They say it makes the heart grow fonder. Like Stockholm Syndrome for my exes - after breaking up, forgetting all the confusing, crushing, powerless parts and wanting them back again. Trauma bonds don’t always fade with age. I left Austin because California and New York moved in without bringing rent control with them, pushing out people like me (let’s be honest, people a lot more diverse, and the original KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD crowd that makes the city’s culture so appealing to begin with) because our local government continues to encourage exponential growth while failing to develop the infrastructure, basic necessities, and residential real estate so locals can thrive (much less exist) in the “Music Capitol of the World.” If one midday drive down 35 doesn’t provide a sobering dose of reality, try spending 2 winters in 3 years without power or water - deaths in the hundreds, friends living out of their cars over a week while Cabo Steve flies to Baja for better hospitality.
I started MAVEN because there was this deep unfulfilled need within me to create something lovely, and as a recent divorcee living in prohibitively expensive Austin, I needed to supplement my 6-figure corporate income. THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS. My parents supported a family of 4 on my dad’s sole income of what I make now, and I CAN’T AFFORD to have kids. Who cares what I want, or that some dude is slacking making 30% more than me, probably getting promoted next week, while I’m sleepless, making all this cool shit, getting paid for none of it, working for the big break-even.
Sometimes I’m too close to a subject to write about things. So I had to get away. But I came to stay with my mom in Plainfield thinking I could help her, when really I needed help too. It took me a Whole Quarter to realize the same lesson I learned in my marriage, and too many relationships before - I’m no fucking Savior. And if you scroll a few posts back (check “Compassion”) part of me was coming to terms with this long before I made the decision to move back to Austin (God works in mysterious ways, it’s kinda creepy). Anyway, though our relationship is conflicted, my family and dear friends are in Austin, where my heart and home must be. So vagabonding I go again - sure hope someone will take me in!
“I have said that Texas is a state of mind, but I think it is more than that. It is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it and, as in other religions, few people dare to inspect it for fear of losing their bearings in mystery or paradox. But I think there will be little quarrel with my feeling that Texas is one thing, for all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Rich, poor, Panhandle, Gulf, city, country, Texas is the obsession, the proper study, and the passionate possession of all Texans.”
-John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America
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