Notes on Growth

Before I learned what "practice" meant, you might catch me candidly saying "balance isn't my strong point" when falling out of any unilateral asana.  That has been historically true of my physical existence, but the more it happened, I noticed myself saying it, and then realized it was also true of my entire conduct.  One thing to realize, another to work through.  

I started to learn bumping up against my mental limitations in yoga that if I kept breathing - even when it was most challenging, when I was frustrated, feeling I couldn't endure a moment longer - so long as I shifted my attention back to breath, my body moved through the struggle.  Over time, my practice has become a puzzle and a celebration, always leading back to joy.  

It is noticing your edges, moving through the boundary, and releasing judgment about the result.  This repeated practice of vinyasa results in equanimity - physical and mental oneness.  It is truth in being.

I'm able to share this with you now, because after years of practice, I'm more firmly rooted in Dancer (Natarajasana in Sanskrit) - something else I could "never" do.  As my physical balance has evolved, so has my focus and inner peace.

That's not to say I'm an alligator.  I still cry when mourning losses, or when old wounds are aggravated, bitterly when backpedaling into old habits.  I'm still practicing forgiveness for myself and others.  And the cycle begins anew.

“Best to let the broken glass be broken glass, let it splinter into smaller pieces and dust and scatter. Let the dust between things widen until they are no longer cracks but the new places for things.”

-Colson Whitehead

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